When I type in a Google search the words "what is involved in forgiving others" I get this response:
"Forgiving others involves an intentional decision to release resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge. This process can take time and often includes acknowledging the hurt, understanding the situation, letting go of negative feelings, and choosing to move forward for your own well-being, even if the person doesn't respond or make amends. Forgiveness is often about releasing the other person from the "debt" of what they owe you, allowing you to heal and detach from the event."
This summation concerning forgiveness is not biblical. Forgiveness is not unconditional. I wrote on this subject not too long ago in a short post titled "Unconditional Forgiveness?" (See here) I cited the following text to show that forgiveness was not unconditional.
"Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." (Luke 17: 3-4 kjv)
Forgiveness is not unconditional. We are not obligated to forgive those who have not confessed their trespass against us nor repented of it. Oftentimes this would include recompensing for any damage done by the trespass. If a person steals my car and wrecks it, and then says "I am sorry, please forgive me," I am obligated to grant forgiveness. But, that does not relieve the person from paying for the damage to the car. There are many bible passages we could cite to show that this is what God counsels.
What many preachers mean by advising Christians to forgive all unconditionally is because it is a way to release anger and manage emotion, such as hate and bitterness. But, that is not the chief idea involved in biblical forgiveness. True forgiveness involves restoration and reconciliation. God does not forgive unconditionally, but requires confession and repentance. Notice these texts:
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1: 9 nkjv)
"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out." (Acts 3: 19 nkjv)
Here we see that confession of sins and repentance are conditions for divine forgiveness. Of course, this does not mean that we must confess every sin, for we often sin and don't know it, and therefore such sins do not get specifically confessed. That is why we pray for God to forgive us for all sins, even those we are not aware of. There are sins of commission and sins of omission.
We must also realize that there are two contexts in which forgiveness takes place. One is judicial and involves criminals being legally or judicially justified, acquitted, or pardoned. The other is parental forgiveness and involves being spared discipline or chastisement. A child of God is already forgiven of all sins, past, present, and future, so far as the law of God is concerned. But, God's child needs fatherly forgiveness every day.
Let me now enlarge upon my thesis to show that forgiveness is not unconditional, but conditional. Our Lord said:
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector." (Matt. 18: 15-17 nkjv)
Here Jesus says the same thing as he did in Luke 17: 3-4, mentioned above. Forgiveness by the church is conditional upon the brother who sins against another brother "hearing" or heeding the counsel of other brothers, and of the whole church. This hearing involves confession and repentance. Without this the brother offended, and the church, is not to forgive the sinning brother, but is to look upon him as not being a brother, but a "heathen." If the sinning brother heeds the counsel of others and repents, he is then forgiven, and such forgiveness involves restoration and reconciliation. We see an example of this in First Corinthians chapter five, where Paul addressed the severe sexual immorality in the Corinthian church, involving a brother fornicating with his father's wife (stepmother). Paul demanded that the church discipline him by excluding him, in order to bring him to repentance so that his spirit could be saved. Without this repentance there would be no forgiveness nor restoration. In II Corinthians chapter two we read where Paul urges forgiveness after the man repents.
Now let us look at another example of this same paradigm. It involves the evil that a professing Christian brother did to the apostle Paul. In his letter to Timothy, Paul writes:
"Alexander the coppersmith did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done" (2 Timothy 4:14, NIV).
The original Greek can be translated as either "the Lord will repay" (a statement of fact about divine justice) or "may the Lord repay" (an expression of a desire or a wish for divine judgment). So, is this what is called "imprecatory prayers"? Many of the Psalms are called such. These are prayers for evil doers to get what they deserve in some kind of punishment. (Psa. 35: 6; 55: 15; 58: 6; 69: 28; 109: 8)
What is interesting in what Paul says about Alexander is what he says right after this, in verse 16. He wrote:
"At my first defense no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them." (II Tim. 4: 16 nkjv)
In verse 14 Paul is wanting Alexander to be repaid for the harm he had done to Paul. In verse 16 he is praying that God forgives those brothers who forsook him when he was on trial. What are we to make of this? Is forgiveness always conditional? Is it sometimes unconditional? This becomes a point to consider when we focus on the words of Christ when he was being crucified and said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23: 34) Was he praying for the Jews who cried "crucify him" to be forgiven unconditionally? Is he asking his Father to unconditionally forgive the Romans who were also guilty of his murder?
It is a dangerous thing to be unwilling to forgive others. Jesus taught us to pray, saying "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who trespass against us." (Matt. 6: 12; Luke 11: 4) This fact is forcefully impressed upon us by these words of the Lord Jesus to Peter when Peter asked - “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matt. 18: 21 nkjv) Jesus then said to him:
"22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Here forgiveness involved eliminating a debt. It does not however necessitate releasing a wrongdoer from paying for the crime he has done, as I showed above in the example of a person who steals your car, wrecks it and damages it, and who says he is sorry. Your forgiveness of him does not mean that you pay for the damage yourself. It also does not mean that you don't punish the person who stole your car and wrecked it. If your son did this, you might forgive him upon his repentance, but you might not ever allow him to use your car in the future nor put your car keys in a place where he can get them.
Let us look at the case where John Mark forsook Paul in their missionary journey. Paul was offended by this. We also see where later in Act 15:35-40, as Paul prepares to set out on his second missionary journey with Barnabas, that Paul and Barnabas had a serious squabble over whether to take Mark with them. We learn that “Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.” Paul strongly disagreed with that idea because Mark’s forsaking Paul previously. (Acts 13:13) In Paul’s eyes his new missionary plan was too serious to risk failure. So we read: “But Paul thought it not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work.” The subject of John Mark was so divisive between Paul and Barnabas that “they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; but Paul chose Silas and departed, and he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches” (Acts 15:39-40). John Mark had caused the break up of one of history’s great missionary teams. Paul no doubt forgave Mark but that did not mean that he was restored in every way, having the same level of trust in the mind of Paul as before. I am also sure that Mark told Paul that he was sorry. We see this same scenario where a minister is caught in adultery or some other heinous sin and he confesses his wrong to the church, and to his wife and others, and is forgiven, and yet he loses, at least for a time, his standing as a minister.
The above lesson in Matthew about the creditor who forgave a debtor and voided that forgiveness when he saw how the one forgiven refused to forgive debtors who owed him, shows how important it is for us to be willing to always forgive. If we have been forgiven by God, and realize how gracious it is, then we should be as forgiving as our God. It is in our progressive sanctification that we learn how to forgive, when to forgive, and the importance of it. We keep in mind these words:
"For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment." (James 2: 13 kjv)
"With the merciful You will show Yourself merciful; With a blameless man You will show Yourself blameless." (Psa. 18: 25 nkjv)
Showing mercy involves forgiving.
There is much more that could be said on this subject. I do believe that the one wronged may forgive another even if there is no repentance. By "forgive" I mean not holding a grudge or allowing a "root of bitterness" to grow in our hearts when we have suffered a wrong. (Heb. 12: 15) My first wife committed adultery after we had been married six years and had two children. I was willing to forgive her and save our marriage and family. She refused, adding sin to sin. She never said she was sorry nor repented. Yet, I have forgiven her even without her confession and repentance. I refuse to remain bitter over it.
Let me close by asking whether forgiving another means
1) you no longer are angry at what was done,
2) that you now love or like the one who did you wrong,
3) that you no longer let the wrong affect your relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment